In my case all of my first French kisses with someone new happened during the first kissing session with them. There was never this requesting-for-admission-lip-licking thing that I so often read about in fics. When one went for it, the other's lips were always parted already. No matter what gender or gender identification by the way.
Nevertheless I would have no problem at all if someone didn't want that during the first time or even ever at all.
I know some friends have similar and some friends have very different kissing experiences and kissing preferences.
It's such an individual thing really. So I don't think anyone could actually write an unrealistic kissing scene.
I'm okay with writing kissing without tongues and I enjoy reading kissing without tongues no less than with tongues.