Give Satisfaction

Dear Bertram,

I hope this letter finds you whale. I have greatly enjoyed my fishing trip, although I have been thinking a-boat you a lot. I can sea weed have a wonderful time if you were here with me. The thought holds much al-lure, withtrout a doubt. I would enjoy watching my master bait the hook, fishing rod gripped in his hand. In fact, my flag is already at half-mast just thinking about it.

You cannot fathom the things I would do to you if you were here. Current-ly I am picturing you tide up. A nauty buoy like you deserves to have his bass spanked. I would be stern with you; you would bow before me.

Of course, it wouldn’t be all rough waters. Acting sel-fish would make me feel too gill-ty. In this relation-ship, I am the able seaman and you are the coxswain telling me just how to stroke. Above all, I value our intimasea. Moor often than knot, I want to either make love to you until we both keel over, oar just lay in bed and cuttle.

I harbor such tender affection for you. Yes, I reef-er to you as my master, but you’re so much more. Yes, the sex-tant is amazing, but my feelings for you go so much deeper. I must be strait with you: my emotions are reel. Please let minnow if you feel the same way.

I luff you,
Jeeves

P.S. You have often said that I must be of Viking ancestry, but I am not sure. On one hand, it is true that the Vikings transmitted their folklore and rituals orally, and I would love nothing more than to engage in a rich oral tradition with you. On the other hand, the Vikings believed in a pantheon of pagan gods, while I only worship one divine being (and he’s reading this letter right now).