give_satisfaction | Member Posts

Yesterday I went to the zoo and saw lots of cool animals, I saw giraffes, zebras, lots of birds (the penguins and parrots are my favorite birds), a snow leopard, a Komodo dragon, turtles, frogs, wolves, an anteater, chimps, kangaroos, lions, antelopes, a rhino and a koala. The bears were in their dumb caves and wouldn't come out.
I have to remember to always bring my own food. The ordering system in the zoo restaurant requires four arms, they didn't even bother calling my name or my number and the damn burger gave me the runs. Also there were some really rotten little kids who decided to stand on the table I was trying to eat at and wave big sticks around and the dad didn't even bother to tell them to cut that shit out.
On my way home from the zoo I got a text inviting me over to a friend's house so I went over there and had dinner and a great conversation. Then I went home and watched TV (House and Frasier) and had a couple of glasses of wine.
Then this morning I had a nice phone conversation with my parents and another one with a friend wishing her a happy birthday.

Current Music: Michael Jackson

adore

I have put off making this post, but I'm writing it now.
( Had to unpublish Bloodhunt Academy from the Zon. )

Writing Bloodhunt Academy was an achievement for me, considering I wondered whether I could ever read or write again at some point before it. I can't just let it languish. I've started cutting the chapters into smaller chunks and uploading it to Royal Road (link!). It was not meant to be a web serial so I don't know, but I'm going to just continue expanding it instead of making Book Two separate. For the people who bought the book from the Zon upon release, and the ARC readers who indicated they wanted to read Book Two, I'm planning to send a free e-copy of the completed expanded version. If you bought the book, DM me with the email you'd like me to send it to and I'll save it on my ARC reader spreadsheet.

A consequence of the indie author dream fizzling out is that I'm having to terrify myself trying to figure out ways to have hope for the future. Trying to believe I won't live and die in this house. I'm having to face the prospect of jobsearching again and trying to stave off the depression that rises whenever I do.

My friend Venky sent me a job posting he saw that he thought I'd be interested in, and he was right. I applied for it, but the fact that I actually want this job, as opposed to thinking that something or the other will have to do, has made the tenterhooks another kind of torture. The employer responded to my application email saying they will get back to candidates within a certain timeframe. I waited for double of that timeframe to pass, with no word from the employer, before sending my followup email a few days ago, asking them for the status of my application. I hate how the process has played havoc with my mental health throughout. I'd probably go insane if I didn't have the tarot. Although I use tarot predictively, I don't usually do timing readings, because my success with them has been mixed. But not knowing how long I should wait or whether I was going to be ghosted entirely for a job I actually want was kind of destroying me, so I did a timing reading. I used one of my Thoth decks, the Parrott Tarot, because the Thoth system is less scenic and more symbolic which works better for timing.

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Based on my reading, I'm assuming I'll hear from them next week. If next week passes by and I don't hear from them I'm going to stop waiting. The thought of not getting this job terrifies me. The thought of what to do if I have to stop waiting, give it up, find some other path somehow, terrifies me. I'm assuming I'll hear from them next week and, according to a predictive tarot reading I did that reassures me, I'm assuming I'll get the job.

Current Mood: crushed

greghousesgf

The pumpkin bread came out nice, I'm going to have to remember that Chinese 5 spice thing.

Current Music: Joe Cocker

greghousesgf

I am baking pumpkin bread right now and it's taking longer than I'd like. It's been in the oven for over an hour and it was still raw in the middle last I checked, which wasn't that long ago. I did a little experimenting with it and put Chinese 5 spice in it.

Current Music: unidentified jazz piece

greghousesgf

Had some Downton Abbey estate blend tea. Went to Berkeley Bowl to buy more tea, coconut Pu-erh in this case. I was going to get some of Berkeley Bowl's deli takeout Chinese food for lunch but they don't do that anymore so I got some Mexican food in the next block and then went home.

Current Music: Martin Scorcese Blues soundtrack

greghousesgf

I had a two hour phone conversation with a friend yesterday who I hadn't heard from in a couple of months. Really enjoyed taking to my friend.
I noticed a weird mistake in the House episode "Maternity" that I never noticed before. Although the episode clearly takes place over only a few days, House says it's December in the middle of the episode but at the end of the episode the dialogue between House and the obstetrician indicates it's late October!

Current Music: the Rolling Stones

adore

Moontime began around midday today. I was cramping, and the herbal sanitary pads came in clutch. So so glad Instagram targeted me for these.

I've had an ultrasound done, and they found a fibroid sitting in my uterus. Getting the blood test to screen for PCOS proved more complicated because most major hospitals here don't have a PCOS package and add each test individually, which turns out prohibitively expensive. They all say they have a Gynaecology department but it's all pregnancy and childbirth, no menstrual health. This includes the hospitals that call themselves a 'women and children's hospital'. Hell, there's a whole hospital just for fertility and childbirth here, called The Birthplace. But nothing for menstrual health! It makes me so angry. Even the gynaecologist who diagnosed me, is one I consulted online because her specialisation is menstrual health whereas all the gynaecologists in my city specialise in fertility.

Since this is a fasting blood test I wanted to go to a hospital nearby. That didn't work out because they're obsessed with me giving birth when any woman who chooses to give birth does so for a much shorter span of her life than the span she spends menstruating!!!! *angry noises*

So I called Proactive For Her (through whom I'd had the online consultation with the gynaecologist who told me my periods are definitely abnormal). They said they only opened at nine, so I went and waited. Turns out they don't even have their own clinic space and they're sharing space with an IVF clinic (fucking fertility again). At least they have a presence in my city! I wouldn't have been able to get tested for PCOS if they didn't! They had a comprehensive PCOS panel for 5000 rupees. The other hospitals were charging 30,000 rupees because they didn't have an existing package and were adding each test individually!

No wonder so many women get told to just go have a baby whenever their periods are giving them trouble. It's because the gynaecologists telling them that haven't been trained for anything else. And it's not like the hospitals offer comprehensive testing, either.

What this experience drove home to me is that I never had the chance to get diagnosed earlier anyway because Proactive For Her only started three or so years ago, opened first in Bangalore and came to my city only recently. They do offer fertility and pregnancy related care, but they equally offer menstrual healthcare and women's sexual healthcare. They're the only gynaecologists I know here who screen for vaginismus, for instance.

Now I'm waiting for my report. Can't wait to get some answers!

On a lighter note (or more creepy note), Instagram is already targeting me for PCOS supplements. On the one hand I haven't been diagnosed yet, on the other hand I have a hunch I will be, on the third hand Instagram is sooo spying on me because it knows just from me mentioning being tested for PCOS aloud, on the fourth hand perhaps being spied on is worth it if it's serving me up useful information because I wouldn't know where to go hunting for supplements and this way I have all the choices in front of me, and on the fifth hand I use Instagram as a shopping and jobsearching site and not a social media one anyway so it's fineeee.

Current Mood: frustrated

greghousesgf

OK. I'm sick of people thinking I voted for Trump just because I'm American. I fucking hate Trump. I have never voted for him and I never will. I'm also fucking fed up with being assumed to be racist just because of when I was born. I hate racism and bigotry of any kind, just because some other people my age are bigots it does NOT mean I am!

Current Music: Martin Scorcese Blues soundtrack

greghousesgf

I had a really interesting day yesterday. Beautiful weather. Hung out with a couple of friends, had tea and a slice of red velvet cake at my favorite cafe, did a lot of fascinating reading and pub hopped with one of my friends. Heard some great music. We even did some karaokeing. The only negative thing in the whole day was I went into Whole Foods to try to get roast beef to make a sandwich and the deli woman took her time and I couldn't even get any because I like it rare and the whole damn roast was burned to a crisp. And she gave me an argument when I complained.

Current Music: Segovia

greghousesgf

I saw a movie last night I hadn't seen since it first came out 12 years ago, Kumiko the Treasure Hunter. What a great movie!!

Current Music: Martin Scorcese Blues soundtrack

greghousesgf

Got some groceries, on the way back home some asshat almost ran me over with his damn SUV when I was trying to cross the street. He stuck up his hand like that makes it OK, I swore at him but he had his window closed so I doubt he heard me.
Had an interesting conversation over text w/a friend about Lord of the Rings.

Current Music: Red Hot Chili Peppers

greghousesgf

Had a great breakfast earlier this morning, bacon and eggs, a croissant and some hot chocolate.

Current Music: the Dandy Warhols

adore

Crowdsourcing opinions: what's an email service you like/recommend? I want to leave Gmail and only use it for signing into websites because nowadays it's all Gemini this Gemini that.

I saw an amazing Tumblr post about a Chinese poet who was so brilliant and her man so mediocre 😭 the love story she didn't deserve. She made a poem puzzle that yields more poems the more you look at it. So cool!

Historic medical event: I had an online consultation with a gynaecologist and she said my periods are definitely not normal. No hesitation, no excuses, just straight up "That's not normal. Have you had an ultrasound done?" And when I said I never have, she said I needed to get one done, along with a blood test. And that once I got tested, the results would give her some idea of where to go from here.

First time a doctor has said heavy painful periods are not normal, and that we need to find out causes.

She prescribed that I'm got to get tested for my complete blood count, fasting blood sugar, free testosterone, total testosterone, liver function test, serum creatine, fasting lipid profile, HDA1C (haemoglobin A1C), fasting insulin, HOMA IR (for insulin resistance), Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, prolactin. And I've got to get an ultrasound of my abdomen and pelvis.

I saw an Instagram post by The Period Lab about what to get tested in your bloodwork if you have bleeding more than 8 diva cups over your entire period (I bleed that amount in ONE DAY) and there's a lot of overlap, but also other things not included in my prescription that I want to get done as well: