Give Satisfaction

“Er…I say…well…that is…I mean…Jeeves?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Could one inquire…er…don’t you know…what…um…?”

“You are attempting to ascertain the provenance of the new clothing I laid out for you, sir?”

“That’s as good a place to start as any. Thank you. Well?”

“I procured the items from a number of small specialty boutiques in Mayfair around the corner from your usual Savile Row tailor, sir.”

“Fine, that’s fine. All right then. That’ll be all.”

“Very good, sir.”

“Oh, and, er, Jeeves?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Er…errrrrrrrrrrr…”

“You are attempting to determine the reason why I chose for you a full ensemble of women’s attire, sir?”

“Precisely, Jeeves. Thank you. Yes?”

“I hope you’ll pardon the imposition, sir, but I happened to accidentally come across your secret supply of women’s apparel and accoutrements while organizing your wardrobe. Please sit down if you are starting to feel faint, sir. I am most sorry to have infringed upon your privacy. It is not your fault; they were very well hidden, but such a large collection necessarily becomes difficult to effectively conceal. I was merely endeavoring to conduct the most exceptionally thorough tidying possible, sir.”

“That’s fair, Jeeves. It is what makes you so impressive, after all.”

“You're kind to say so, sir. As I was saying, I happened upon the stash and determined that you had purchased the garments to wear in private for your own personal gratification. Was I correct in assuming so, sir?”

“Personal grati—?! Good heavens, Jeeves. I would never have guessed you capable of using such language.”

“Please forgive me for offending you, sir.”

“Oh, I don’t know, you know, I wouldn’t say I'm offended.”

“Please forgive me for making you blush so deeply, then, sir.”

“That one I suppose cannot deny, old fruit.”

“Have I overstepped my boundaries, sir?”

“No, no, no, not a bit. Well, on second thought, yes, you have. But I confess to feeling much more relieved than stepped over. Am I to understand that you don’t disapprove of my…my little hobby, then?”

“It would hardly be my place, sir.”

“No, but all the same. I want to know. You aren’t horrified?”

“Not in the slightest, sir.”

“Aghast? Disgusted? Outraged? Repelled? Scandalized?”

“None of the above, sir. I hope you will interpret the raiment I chose for you as a sign of my complete acceptance and approval, sir.”

“Try as I might, I really cannot twist it any other way! Well then, Jeeves, I feel absolutely braced, bucked up, not to mention chuffed, to boot. Now, let's take a look. These really are some bally gorgeous habiliments, aren't they? I suppose the only thing for me to do is to try them on for size.”

“Yes, sir. Although I am confident you will find each piece fits perfectly, as I supplied the couturier with your exact measurements, sir.”

“You think of everything, don’t you?”

“I try my best, sir.”

“And if I should need assistance in donning them?”

“I will be glad to help, sir.”

“And later, er, if I should need a hand in doffing them?”

“I will endeavor to give satisfaction, sir.”