Give Satisfaction

“Sir, do you think the operating the vehicle at this velocity is wise? In town?”

“I can’t slow down now, Jeeves. We’re almost home, and, well, with all the glasses orange squash I downed at the treat, it was scorcher of an afternoon, after all, and us having to oil it back to town so quickly because of, well, you know, and then the bally road construction bring us to a snail’s pace and blocking any respectable nook where we might’ve stopped, well, the upshot is nature’s calling, if you catch my meaning, and in a few moments, the phone’s going to ring off the hook, as it were. Here we go. I’m just going to leave her here, and ring the garage to pick her up after…”

“You’ve answered call?”

“Precisely, Jeeves. Oh, you needn’t hurry, too—unless you’re in the same condition?”

“I’ll assist with the door, sir.”

“Oh, brilliant, Jeeves. I really think I might make a mess of myself.”

---

“Oh, Lord, love a duck!”

“Sir!”

“My trousers! Jeeves, I’m too addled to work the thingagummy. Oh, I’m going to…”

“Allow me, sir.”

“Please, Jeeves! Quick! Oh! Oooh! Ooooooh! That’s the stuff to give the troops, isn’t it, Jeeves? Oh, my sainted aunts, that feels good. Oh, you needn’t hold the pride of the Wooster unless…unless…you fancy it.”

“Are you quite relieved, sir? No more distress?”

“Uh, oh, well, yes, uh, Jeeves, that rubbing?”

“This rubbing, sir?”

“Yes, your hand, just like that, back and forth, right across the old water bottle, yes, below the belt but above the, uh, faucet, you know, it feels quite wonderful, Jeeves. Oh!”

“I’ve got you, sir.”

“The knees seem to have gone on strike, Jeeves.”

“Understandable, sir.”

“Is it? Jeeves, is that…? I mean to say, are you…?”

“I’m sorry, sir. Very sorry. Please forgive me. Most unseemly. I’ll ring the garage.”

“Jeeves, stop. Don’t go. Please. Let me give you some relief, too. Oh, you are massive, Jeeves.”

“You flatter me, sir.”

“Jeeves, I’m going to much more than flatter. Now, spit!”

“Oh, sir?! Very well. Pfft! Oh, oh…”

“What’s the word I want, Jeeves?”

“Omorashi, sir. It’s from the Japanese.”

“Omorashi? Marvelous culture, the Japanese. And they have a word for everything, including ‘I’ve got a bally gorgeous prick in my hand that I’m going to stroke ‘til it spends.’”

“Not quite, sir. I’ll explain later. Oh, oh…”